


A Prodigious Fraud

by IndulgenceWritings



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Naruto
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:15:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29450646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndulgenceWritings/pseuds/IndulgenceWritings
Summary: They had no idea what to make of the new professor who looked like a peacock and was more interested in taking naps and playing shogi than actually doing any teaching. Even though he was really good at it.(Shikamaru becomes Gilderoy Lockhart)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic takes place shortly after the chunin exams!

When Nara Shikamaru first saw himself looking at a blond man's award-winning smile, his first thought was "Troublesome." His second: "I look like a peacock!"

Then he saw the hairnet on the man's head and decided that he wanted out. Immediately.

This was not how he imagined his afterlife to be. He actually just wanted to spend the rest of eternity with his family, playing shogi and watching clouds, but instead he had ended up here.

In front of a mirror.

Surrounded by books titled _Magical me_.

He was sure Death was out somewhere laughing at him.

How could he have agreed to this deal?

"Do a mission for me and I'll send you back," the deity had told him, refusing to give up further details.

Shikamaru was convinced that this was somehow Sasuke's fault. He had been the one they had been trying to retrieve, after all.

"Troublesome," the freshly minted chunin grumbled again, ripping the hairnet from his head, and mussing through his blond curls.

Where was he anyway?

And just as important – could he still use his chakra?

The answer to the last question turned out to be yes. He could. His shadows answered easily enough to his calling, and he could still feel the chakra coursing through his veins.

The second question, however, was not so easily answered.

He looked around, trying to find some hints, and finally found two letters on his bedside table next to a strangely shaped pointy stick.

It was written on parchment and Shikamaru took a moment to inspect the strange seal on the envelope.

A snake, a lion, an eagle, and a badger curled around a letter that his mind told him was a "H".

Putting it down again, he picked up the heavy parchment. The letters were foreign, but he could read them, anyway.

Shikamaru chalked it up to this body's abilities and started to read.

_Dear Mr. Lockhart,_

_we are delighted to inform you that your application for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position has been accepted._

_Please report to Headmaster Albus Dumbledore on the 30th of August at ten am._

_We are looking forward to welcoming you to our staff._

_Best wishes,_

_Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts_

Shikamaru lowered his letter. He was a _teacher_? He actually had to give lessons?

He threw the letter on his bed and flopped gracelessly down on his bed. Great. Just great. What was he even supposed to teach?

Grumbling slightly to himself, he grabbed the second letter, glanced over it, and stared.

And stared.

This was a joke, right?

He did not really have to go to a _book signing_ , right?

Shikamaru was really sure now that Death was laughing at him.

Deciding that he really had enough excitement for one day, Shikamaru drew the blanket over his head and went to sleep.

Reality could wait for a few hours.

* * *

He woke two hours later with a terrible headache and even more problems. Apparently, his employer had thought it was a good idea to dump all of his current host's memories and experiences onto him during his midday nap.

From the snippets that had already assimilated into his head, Shikamaru could honestly say that this Gilderoy Lockhart was an attention-seeking idiot, claiming other people's feats as his own.

Great. Could he at least not have landed in a decent guy's body?

And what was up with this _magic,_ anyway?

Was it another form of chakra?

Or some similar energy?

Needless to say, this pointy stick Gilderoy was waving around in his memories was rather ridiculous – and extremely dangerous considering the man's powers seemed to depend on a fragile piece of wood.

It was a glaring weakness if he had ever seen one.

He picked up the stick and twirled it between his fingers. Honestly, just a little push and it would break.

He shook his head and glanced at the calendar. 17th of August. That left him two days until the…book signing.

Long enough to familiarize himself with his new surroundings.

Shikamaru sighed deeply and rummaged through the bedside table until he came up with a bag of heavy coins.

He emptied the contents on the bedsheet and allowed Gilderoy's memories to guide him through the currency.

Galleons, Sickles, Knuts.

What strange names.

Putting the coins back into the bag, Shikamaru henged into an average looking brown-haired man and grudgingly went to explore his surroundings.

* * *

Shikamaru eyed the buildings around him with veiled interest. They seemed rather old and bore almost no resemblance to Konoha's architecture.

A sign on the opposite wall told him that he was in a place called Diagon Alley. Shikamaru vaguely remembered seeing something like this in Gilderoy's memories.

He sighed again as he saw Flourish&Blotts and walked inside to inspect his future battleground.

A bell rung as he stepped through the door and found himself in what seemed to be a normal bookstore. The only difference being that books were floating around, sorting themselves into shelves, or snapping and growling at customers.

Shikamaru immediately had to dodge a particularly eager book that soared happily over his head.

An employee was running after it, stopping shortly to yell an apologetic "Terribly sorry, sir," at Shikamaru and jumped up to catch the book.

"Troublesome," the boy muttered and went to inspect the shop.

He ended up not only mapping out the entire place but also buying several history and spell books to familiarize himself with the world he had landed in.

Deciding that his immediate concerns had been addressed, Shikamaru returned to the inn, a place named Leaky Cauldron, and ordered himself a lunch to be brought to his room.

He spent the next day immersed in his acquired reading material, only stopping to eat.

At the morning of the 19th of August, Shikamaru found himself heading towards the bookstore, already dreading the upcoming event.

Sighing yet again he sauntered into the bookstore before opening hours and ignored the overly excited "Oh my, it's Gilderoy Lockhart!" one of the female employees screamed when she sighted him.

The store owner greeted him warmly, offered refreshments and proceeded to inform Shikamaru of today's timetable.

The boy nodded at the appropriate points and, much to the staff's surprise, slumped into the chair behind the autograph desk and rested his head on his arms. "Wake me up when you are opening."

The resident people could only watch as today's star took a nap on the desk.

* * *

Excited screeching woke him out of his shogi-filled dreams. "It's him! Gilderoy Lockhart!"

"He's so beautiful."

Shikamaru suppressed his urge to groan at the long line of women appearing in front of him, looking at him with glittering eyes.

"Troublesome," he muttered under his breath and lazily signed the first book he had been handed.

The woman threw him a grateful look and almost skipped off, looking incredibly giddy.

"Mr. Lockhart" the next one told him excitedly. "I am your biggest fan! You are just so brave!"

She sounded like a grown-up version of Ino fawning over Sasuke.

It was too much.

Shikamaru quickly excused himself, proclaiming that he would fetch his best quill for his biggest fan and ducked into the empty staff room.

Two minutes later an Earth clone left the room to continue being fawned over, while a henged Shikamaru left the shop, intent on hunting down a shogi board.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore looked at the man in front of him. Gilderoy Lockhart had not been his first choice as teacher. Not even his second or third. But he was his only one.

To his great surprise he did not get confronted with an egomaniac intent on furthering his own popularity, but with a man who seemed to have a distinct…lack of enthusiasm, to put it mildly.

In other words, the newly appointed Defense Professor looked like he very much wanted to take a nice long nap.

"Are you looking forward to the new year, Professor?" he inquired, trying to get the man's motivation up.

"Yes, headmaster," Professor Lockhart answered, sounding rather unenergetic. "I am." Not. He added mentally.

"Excellent,", Dumbledore smiled widely at him. "Then I will leave you to get acquainted with the grounds. I expect to see you tonight for dinner. Minky will show you around."

As if summoned, a strange creature popped into the room, Shikamaru absently identified her as a house elf.

"Of course," Professor Lockhart agreed, looking at the elf. "Your name is Minky, hm?"

The elf nodded emphatically. "Yes, Professor Lockhart, sir."

"I see," Shikamaru muttered. "So, know any good napping places?"

Dumbledore watched as the man left the office, intently listening to Minky listing off rooms, cupboards, and patches of especially soft grass.

It seemed like this school year was bound to be rather interesting.


	2. Chapter 2

Hogwarts was very different from Konoha, Shikamaru decided while he thoroughly tested out the lushness of the grass next to the Black Lake.

Not only was the school a castle, it also had moving stairs and talking portraits. Shikamaru silently suspected that the headmaster might be using the latter as internal spies to keep an eye on everything that was happening. He would have to make sure to stay out of their sight if he ever decided on exploring off the grid.

But he had to admit that the school's security seemed rather well thought out. Shikamaru had run into at least five doors that turned out to be walls and one wall that had actually not been there at all.

Quite ingenious.

He sighed and absently followed the bear-shaped cloud passing by, enjoying the soft evening breeze brushing through his hair.

His wonderful relaxation time got cut short when a stern female face suddenly appeared within his sight, effectively stopping his metaphorical hunting game.

"Professor Lockhart!" The woman furrowed her brows at him. "What are you doing?" she demanded to know. "We have been searching for you everywhere!"

"Cloud-watching," Shikamaru answered lazily.

" _Cloud-watching_?" she repeated incredulously. " _Now_? Professor Lockhart, the _Sorting_ is about to start, and you are lying on the lawn!"

"You are not even dressed properly!" the woman told him indignantly. "You have dirt all over you! That will not do. We have about fifteen minutes left. Enough for you to change into something more… proper."

Shikamaru sighed again and grudgingly stood up. "Troublesome," he muttered under his breath, ignoring the indignant huff coming from the stern woman in response to his utterance.

"I will go and change," he told her calmly. "See you soon."

He flickered out of the woman's sight and Minerva McGonagall was left to wonder just how he had managed to get from the Black Lake to the main gate in less than two seconds.

* * *

Shikamaru had no idea what to expect from this so-called sorting. But when he saw a tattered old hat being paraded in on a chair, he wondered just what kind of herbs those people smoked and if he could find out where to get it.

It certainly had to be good.

And then the hat started to _sing_ and Shikamaru, who had been watching through the side door, immediately turned on his heals, sending yet another Earth clone to deal with the auditory torture and fled back onto the grounds.

He had just found a nice place close to a rather weird looking tree, when he saw something gigantic falling from the sky and crashing into the branches.

Shikamaru groaned.

* * *

Harry cursed. They had crashed directly into the Whomping Willow. The tree, not happy about being so roughly landed upon, immediately started trashing, trying to get rid of the trespassers.

"Ron, we have to get out of here!"

"I'd like to, mate!" his friend answered. "But the door is jammed!"

Harry slammed his elbow against the glass, trying to break it, but it was not giving in.

The car jostled and something hard slammed against the side. Ron practically jumped onto Harry's lap as the left side was suddenly dented in.

But suddenly the angry Willow stilled, and Harry saw a shadow moving on the branches, jumping swiftly into their direction.

A hand effortlessly ripped the car door open and the two children found themselves staring at a vaguely familiar blond man. "Troublesome," the stranger muttered, brilliant white teeth blinking up while he was speaking.

The two children suddenly found themselves dragged out of the car and back on solid ground before they could even realize what was happening to them.

Their rescuer's eyes roamed shortly over their rumpled forms. "Go and visit the infirmary," he told them offhandedly and started to march off.

"Wait!" Harry yelled after him. "Where are you going?"

"Doing what I was doing before you rudely interrupted me," their rescuer answered. "Taking a nap."

* * *

When the students trailed into the Great Hall the very next morning, more or less eager to get the day started, they found their Defense teacher suspiciously absent.

The chair that was supposed to be occupied by said man was instead filled by a gigantic cardboard, proclaiming:

_If you have classes with me, change into comfortable clothes and heed to the Black Lake. **Don't** take the books._

The students chattered excitedly.

"Comfortable clothes? Why?"

"Do you think he's teaching us how to duel?"

"Maybe we are getting to fight a troll!"

"That would be soo cool!"

"I wonder why he wants us to leave the books here…"

Albus Dumbledore bit into his lemon cake, ignoring the bemused outrage of the teaching staff.

* * *

Shikamaru sighed, crossed his arms behind his head and stared at the unclouded sky. He actually had to _teach_ today.

He still had no idea what a Defense against the Dark Arts Professor was supposed to do, but he figured that he could just make them do what Iruka-sensei and Asuma-sensei had taught him. The chakra-less parts, of course. He'd figure out a way to incorporate magic later. Basics before ninjutsu – or in this case, magic.

Yes, it would be best if he pretended he was teaching academy children.

* * *

When his first class arrived two hours later, they found their teacher sprawled out on the lawn, peacefully sleeping; his blond locks draped around him like a mussed halo.

Shikamaru lazily opened one eye when he felt the children assemble around him and sighed. "Troublesome," he muttered and rose, brushing grass of his certainly _not_ lilac robes.

"Professor," one of the third year Hufflepuff's asked. "What were you doing?"

"Taking a nap," their Professor answered lazily, intelligent eyes trailing over the students.

"You are my first class? Good. I see you got the note I left in the dining hall."

"It was pretty hard to miss," a Ravenclaw muttered. There was no way they would have failed to see the man-sized cardboard.

His friends snickered at his remark.

Shikamaru straightened. "I don't know how your class has been taught until now, but now that I am your teacher, we will do things my way. So, either work with me, or fail the class. Clear?"

Hesitant nods answered him.

"Um, Professor Lockhart?" a Hufflepuff girl asked shyly.

Shikamaru sighed. "Yes?"

"Why did you tell us to leave our Defense books?"

'Because it's complete rubbish and not worth the paper it is printed on,' the chunin thought drily.

"We are not going to do theory today," he answered instead. "We are doing something practical."

The children's excitement was almost palatable.

"Practical, sir?" a blonde Ravenclaw inquired, and Shikamaru almost flinched at being called sir. He was not his father! "What are we doing?"

"You see this lake?" Shikamaru asked, pointing at the gigantic water-filled hole.

His class nodded.

"Good," Shikamaru answered, settling down beneath a nice shady tree and closing his eyes. "Start running."

Silence.

The students exchanged uncertain and disbelieving looks.

"Sir…" a brave Ravenclaw began. "We must have misheard you. You want us to _run_ around the lake?"

"Yes," Shikamaru agreed, shifting into a more comfortable position. "Three laps."

Nobody moved.

Shikamaru sighed. Of course, it wouldn't be that easy. "Troublesome."

Time for Plan B, then.

"You don't have to run if you don't want to," he added and waited until the children relaxed in relief before adding. "I will just take five house points from each of you and give you all a failing grade for today's class."

Some Ravenclaws looked rather unsettled.

"But considering that you are _hardworking_ students," Shikamaru continued. "I don't believe that you will be so selfish to take away your house's chance at winning the cup. Unless, of course, you are refusing because you want me to take points from you, which would be very disloyal to your fellow housemates."

The Hufflepuffs shuffled nervously.

"But then," Shikamaru finished, tired by his long speech, "you are probably too young to understand the importance of academics and loyalty."

His students bristled.

"That's not true!" a Ravenclaw snapped. "We know how important it is!"

"Yeah!"

"We understand it!"

Shikamaru yawned, "Well, you know how to prove it, don't you?"

"We will!"

And one by one they started running.

Shikamaru sighed and closed his eyes.

Being a teacher was really a drag.

At least the grass was comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh. I had not expected that this idea would be so well-received. Thank you for your lovely comments! Feel free to ask questions or leave ideas for Shikamaru's adventures. =)


	3. Chapter 3

Shikamaru lazily opened his eyes when he heard someone loudly screaming something about signed photographs.

Trying to see what the commotion was about, Shikamaru reluctantly shifted slightly on the branch he had been resting on and leaned forward to see yesterday's nap interrupters standing in front of a blonde kid.

He watched as the rude blond screamer told everyone to line up because someone called Harry Potter was giving out signed photos.

Judging by the way the children were standing, this Harry Potter had to be the black-haired tree crasher.

He was about to close his eyes again when the blond child made some really below-the line comments about the black-haired's lightning star and the second tree crasher drew his pointy stick.

That was one of the situations he had to interfere in, right? At least Iruka-sensei would probably have done so.

Sighing deeply, he stood up. "Troublesome."

* * *

Harry was furious. Malfoy was being a total brat again! He was really worse than Dudley. Okay, maybe not worse, but at least just like him.

It was not like Harry was proud of his scar. His _parents_ had died the night he had gotten it.

"You are too noisy." a calm, lazy voice suddenly cut in.

The children's heads immediately snapped up. Their eyes widened as they saw the imposingly handsome figure of Professor Lockhart lounging carelessly on a branch. The man's back was leaning against the bark, one leg propped up on the branch he was sitting on, the other stretched out next to it.

" _Professor Lockhart?_ " one of the fifth year Slytherin asked in disbelief. "What are you doing _there_?"

"Taking a nap," the Defense Professor answered languidly. "But your screaming interrupted me."

There were several sharp intakes of breath as the Professor suddenly stood up, stretched, and _jumped_ down the nine feet tree as easily as one would jump down a one-step stair.

"Wow!" Ron muttered with wide eyes. "Did you see that, Harry? So cool!"

Harry nodded dumbly and watched as the man's eyes glanced over them. "It seems you all have too much energy. But since I am having your class next, you might as well get a head start."

Harry suddenly had a very bad feeling.

* * *

Someone cackled next to him and Shikamaru slightly turned his head to see the transparent figure of Death standing under the tree, laughing madly.

Shikamaru noted absently that the butterfly next to him seemed to be frozen in midair, and he glanced at the children only to see that they, too, had stopped moving.

"Death," he greeted the deity flatly.

Death stopped laughing and grinned at him. It was an unnerving expression on the shapeless face.

"Nara Shikamaru," he purred. "Or should I say Gilderoy Lockhart?"

Death laughed again.

Shikamaru remained undeterred. "What do you want?"

"Want? Me?" the deity answered, unseeing eyes sparkling with barely hidden mirth. "Nothing. But you, Shikamaru. You want–no you _need_ something."

"And what would this be?" Shikamaru inquired, eyes narrowed in suspicion. He did not trust this deity as far as he could throw it.

Considering that he was incapable of throwing it all, his amount of trust was not very high.

He could hardly be faulted for this, though. Death had, after all, dropped him into this flamboyant body without asking for his consent.

The deity did not seem to be deterred by Shikamaru's less than happy greeting. Quite the contrary. He appeared to be rather amused by it and did not waste any time in answering the man-child, or rather child-man's question.

"What you need, Nara Shikamaru, is someone to help you further your skills." Death informed him cheerfully. "And I have found just the perfect person for you. They were very eager to help me out when I approached them. Very eager, indeed," he repeated, amused. "You will meet them tonight! Sleep tight, Shika-chan!"

Suddenly Death was gone, and time kept on moving like its flow had never been disturbed. The butterfly happily flapped past Shikamaru's ear and the Defense Professor turned his attention back towards his charges.

And froze.

Because he suddenly found himself staring at three children dressed in something that bore a striking resemblance to Gai-sensei's favorite jumpsuit.

Draco Malfoy's girly screech rang loudly over the grounds when he realized that he was suddenly wearing a bright green spandex.

* * *

"I am not running! I refuse to." the blond kid complained vehemently. "And I demand that you return my clothes to me immediately. You can't do this to me! When my father hears about this, you will be fired and don't even think about ever getting a job again! "

Shikamaru easily tuned him out and waited patiently until the kid had to stop to breathe. Blondie had been ranting for five minutes now and he was starting to get slightly irritated.

First, the blonde had interrupted his nap, and now he kept whining at him.

Iruka-sensei would never have tolerated this kind of behavior, and Asuma-sensei would have beaten it out of him by now. Nobody could stand overly whiny kids. Especially not those who kept threatening people with their father.

"Enough," Shikamaru finally interrupted when the blonde mentioned said father for the sixth time. "You will run, and you will do it now. If you refuse, I will not only fail you, but I will also dock fifty points from your house for disobeying your teacher, and you will serve a week's worth of detention."

With my clone. He added silently. There was no way he would be wasting his precious sleeping time on something so troublesome.

The kid opened his mouth to protest yet again, but Shikamaru narrowed his eyes in warning. "If I hear another complaint, I will double it."

"Malfoy!" a blonde girl in Slytherin colors yelled. "Leave it. I don't want to lose so many points!"

Her classmates muttered in agreement and looked angrily at Malfoy.

And just like Shikamaru had predicted, the twelve-year-old succumbed to the peer pressure and started running, throwing a last glare at his infuriating professor.

The man yawned loudly and settled down, blinking lazily into the sun, and absently registering the two happy smiles the two tree crashers threw at each other.

He would have to keep an eye on those three.

Troublesome.

* * *

By the time dinner had arrived, Shikamaru's cloud-watching account had grown to include a kunai, a three-legged sheep, a bowl of miso ramen, a maybe-cat and a folding chair.

Deciding that his day had been exciting enough, he opted to have dinner in the solitude of his rooms and spent an engaging evening playing shogi against himself.

He won.

* * *

The air was somewhat cold and his surroundings strangely foggy. Shikamaru blinked, trying to clear his vision.

It did not help.

Cautiously he extended his senses, trying to get an impression of where he was, but he felt nothing.

Just emptiness.

Shikamaru started walking. His steps slow and wary.

The surrounding fog gradually thinned out and his surroundings blurred into existence, high outlines sharpening around him and the soft sound of running water pierced the air.

It sounded like a waterfall.

Shikamaru continued on, following the sound, and suddenly found himself standing in a wide desolate area, a constant stream of water thrumming down in front of him, flanked by two gigantic statues.

Something moved behind him. Shikamaru whirled around and squinted his eyes at the slowly approaching figure.

The first thing Shikamaru saw was the gigantic scythe, followed by silver hair, contrasting heavily with the dark surroundings.

It was a man, wild purple eyes coming to rest on the child in front of him, and the man grinned sharply.

"So, you are the brat Jashin-sama wants me to whip into shape. Nice to meet you, kid. My name is Hidan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Death tricked Hidan into helping Shika to further his shinobi training ;-)

**Author's Note:**

> Just something silly I suddenly thought up. I don't think it will be very long, but who knows what will happen? *xD*


End file.
